Beautiful noise (Self-portraits)


Using self portrait style photography i am examining the disconnect between my private abject impulses (desire, guilt, fear, anger) and the roles that are expected of me by the public realm. I present this liminal space as a depiction of an alternate reality in the films and via the portraits as a variety of constructed selves that sit on the boundaries of irony and sincerity, fact and fiction.

I most certainly consider them to be ‘mini performances’, clamouring with silent narratives. The characters are presented in my familial home. Acting in and on this stage set (in the past) they appear to be inextricably at odds with their surroundings. Due to such a unique backdrop these idealised yet muted dramas are set within a much larger historical context so ‘the stage and the actor’ seem to be fighting for attention - suggesting that identity is not self determined. Being meticulously staged scenes I am (over) identifying with an image so the distinction between ‘my self’ and ‘a representation’ (desired or denied) is blurred resulting in compulsive accounts of long out dated coping mechanisms.

Furthermore, Beautiful Noise proposes that these ‘characters’ are a response and reaction to this unique setting. I am suggesting that in the context of my familial home i act out specific types of personalities, or persons revealing a complex psychological feature - that many different identities harbour within, so much so that I am powerless over my ‘true self’. It seems that this is not mine to be summoned at will but is determined by the places I happen to be in, in this case my parents home.

For the films I stripped the dwelling of the myriad of paintings, collections, family photos, souvenirs and heirlooms.

As if filmed by a drone on an apparent pre - programmed path the camera is a surveillance tool, searching for evidence; the odd trinket left behind for reasons unknown, a set of keys suggesting forgetfulness. Or a return. It’s empty but not abandoned. The films are scrutinising the elements of home as an empty setting, they are meditations on absence, loss and (just) after. A sense that something (or someone) is about to appear prevails as does the feeling that they are remanence, evidence of enduring yet absence energy.

Link:

Beautiful Noise (video version)
Just for you


Furthering my curiosity and examination into the interplay between environment and identity I experimented with portraits conflating my outside pursuits within my interior home setting.

Intentionally and highlighting the awkward and the disconnect I can oftentimes experience in some places and settings.
Sweet Caroline


‘The abject refers to the human reaction (horror, vomit) to a threatened breakdown in meaning caused by the loss of distinction between subject and object or between self and other.’

Julia Kristeva. ‘Powers of Horror’. 1980.


‘Sweet Caroline’ explores the oftentimes complex friendships I have had - specifically with straight, single females.

Questioning what is fake and what is real I sit (un)comfortably in the liminal space between authenticity and pretence and it’s my belief (and experience) that it’s actually a very fine line between the two.

It is proposed that it’s only through art the abject can be explored as it creates a place where boundaries begin to breakdown - the linguistic binaries of self/ other and subject/object cease to function so I am trying to communicate from a place where the spoken word does not suffice.

I wondered if by aping some of my less successful relationships, was my cynicism, regret and resentment revealing parts of my own identity that I would rather deny?